[Practical Stoicism #24] How to work on our emotions, resilience, and friendships
Happy Sunday, fellow Stoics!
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I've made use of the extra day I had for the newsletter to dig deep into my notes. As I've been sharpening my research skills, so has improved the quality of stuff I find.
This week I have a bunch of different articles that caught my attention. Still, I discern a theme when I look at the highlights I took, which has probably to do with my own mental state in the previous week.
It's easy to be swept along with your emotions at the moment and feel like everything turns out at your disadvantage. It can feel like everything goes wrong in your life, and are you really going to think like a Stoic then and love your fate? Unforeseen hardship challenges any Stoic's mental state unless they're a Sage, of course.
Especially in these cold and wet winter months, people tend to feel down. The links I selected this week all have to do with what it means to think like a Stoic. I see them as a pick-me-up, to ponder on the human condition, and realize we're all in this together.
It's no coincidence that the podcast episodes I picked this weekend reflect the same themes more or less. Check out my Stoic Podcast Notes if you haven't done already; I published part two on Friday.
Ramses
Humans Can't Control Anything—Except Our Own Happiness
John Sellars | 1,047 words | 4 min read
I'm a big fan of John Sellars' writing and way of teaching Stoicism. It's warming to see John is increasingly publishing articles about Stoicism in prominent publications, and I believe these pieces need more sharing.
This short read is about how we can control our own happiness. For practicing Stoics, this material is obvious, but there are good reminders in the piece for everyone.
What I highlighted:
"Stoicism holds that the key to a good, happy life is the cultivation of an excellent mental state, which the Stoics identified with virtue and being rational. The ideal life is one that is in harmony with Nature, of which we are all part, and an attitude of calm indifference towards external events."
"It's the judgments we make that introduce value into the picture, and it's those value judgments that generate our emotional responses."
"Marcus Aurelius had another strategy, reminding himself each morning that he was probably going to encounter a lot of angry, stressed, impatient, ungrateful people during the coming day. By reflecting on this in advance, the hope was that he would be less likely to respond unkindly. But he also reflected on the fact that none of these people would be like this intentionally. They were the victims of their own mistaken judgements."
"As Epictetus put it, if you expect the universe to deliver what you want, you are going to be disappointed, but if you embrace whatever the universe gives, then life will be a whole lot smoother."
First Things a Stoic Must Learn
Chris Fisher | 4,488 words | 18 min read
Being a philosopher means that you practice the art of living. This art requires time, effort, and endurance to push through the pain of failures. Being a philosopher also means you have specific knowledge. You need a map of reality to navigate it effectively.
Stoicism offers such a map of reality, which is the area of Stoic physics. Most modern Stoics are only interested in ethics, but traditional Stoics like Chris Fisher (TraditonalStoicism.com) want to underline the importance of keeping the concept of the Stoic God alive.
I enjoyed reading Chris' article because he is not afraid to challenge the view of most modern Stoics and propose we should discuss the concept of the Stoic God. We slowly see this shift happening, but in my eyes, Chris Fisher is one catalyst in the increasing focus on the spiritual parts of Stoicism.
What I highlighted:
"The God of Stoicism is not your grandfather's God. Instead, the divine cosmos of Stoicism is a philosophical God, arrived at through reason, rather than a personal God, made known through divine revelation."
"Regardless of the outcome, the Stoic loves it as an act of providence and follows it closely. This empowers the Stoic to remain in the present rather than getting caught up in regret over the past intention or worry about its future implications. The act of providence—the outcome—is outside of our control and it creates a new 'present' situation for the Stoic to begin the cycle with virtuous thoughts, intentions, acts, again."
"In Discourses 2.14.10-13, Epictetus presents two types of knowledge needed for the Stoic path. First, one must have a model of reality—a map of the terrain one intends to travel. That model of reality (physics) is then used to create a model for reality (ethics)."
"We all operate from a model of reality—a worldview. Often, we are unconscious of our model; nevertheless, we all act based on a particular vision of the way we thinks are in reality. To do otherwise would be irrational."
"Typically, the people who struggle the most in life are those who are not consciously aware of the model they operate from; they absorbed their understanding of reality unthinkingly from their family, church, school, or society. They are unconscious receptacles of the popular zeitgeist. The beginning of philosophy entails becoming consciously aware of the model of reality we operate from and its implications to our individual well-being and that of the Whole."
Letters From a Stoic by Seneca: Book Summary, Key Lessons and Best Quotes
Daily Stoic | 2,540 words | 10 min read
Up until now, I have mostly ignored Seneca's writing. Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus are my jam, and they know how to hit me with their wisdom. Seneca's prose is somehow too flowery for me, but I'm sure there is great wisdom in his works.
This summary by Daily Stoic on a few of Seneca's key ideas caught my attention. I like how their articles are increasing in length and depth. Through this article, I learned a few things about how Letters From a Stoic came to be, as well as a few valuable lessons.
What I highlighted:
"Stoicism preaches that moderation is key, function is more important than form, and that we should not live in excess. "Philosophy calls for simple living, not for doing penance, and the simple way of life need not be a crude one." Seneca says that we should eat nutritious, nourishing food, but only enough to keep our bodies in good health and our stomachs full – we shouldn't stuff ourselves nor eat extravagant meals just because we can."
"We should work on being satisfied with what we do have, to take pleasure in the simple things. Those who want more than what they need and what they have will always want more, and this only leads to a cycle of dissatisfaction."
"One of the first steps to improving ourselves is recognizing our own flaws. Not one of us is perfect, and identifying which areas of ourselves we need to work on is crucial – if we don't see the problems, how can we find the solutions?"
"We should surround ourselves with people we seek to be like, who will help us improve and grow, rather than those who may negatively impact our lives. While we of course can counsel those who are in a bad place, we should be wary of allowing them to come so close that we are affected by their negativity."
"We should be able to tell our friends things we only tell ourselves. We should learn from each other's wisdom – what is the point of knowledge if we don't share it?"
Book recommendation: The Little Book of Stoicism – Timeless Wisdom to Gain Resilience, Confidence, and Calmness
Jonas Salzgeber | 63,365 words | ~4 hour read
It's been almost a year since I finished Jonas Salzgeber's excellent introduction to Stoicism. His Little Book of Stoicism has the potential to show people the benefits of Stoicism without confusing the heck out of them (as modern Stoic works tend to do).
I see Jonas as a popularizer of Stoicism in his unique way. He's no Ryan Holiday or Tim Ferriss, nor is he an academic. He's just an intelligent guy who is interested in Stoicism and found a way to communicate the core ideas uniquely. I believe both beginning and progressing Stoics will enjoy this book. Not only is the Stoic system explained in simple terms, but it's also chockfull practical exercises that have been shown to work.
Highly recommended.
Some of my favorite highlights:
"The point is, being aware will reduce the times we get taken over by negative emotions. This is important because getting taken over by negative emotions is exactly what hinders us from taking the right actions and getting the good life. Remember, for the Stoics, the only good lies in our voluntary actions, and our actions can only be voluntary when we're bringing awareness into every moment."
"All the adversities you're facing in your life, these are tests. It's mere training. Life isn't supposed to be easy, life is supposed to be challenging to make sure you actually grow. "And those things which we all shudder and tremble at are for the good of the persons themselves to whom they come," says Seneca. Whenever you find yourself in a hole, remind yourself of Hercules who became strong only because of the challenges he faced."
"We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality." – Seneca
"The Stoics believe people act as they think is the best way for them to act. If people lie, it's because they think this will benefit them. If people steal, they think it's the best thing to do. If people are mean, they somehow have the impression that's how they get the most out of the situation. They lack certain wisdom. They don't know what's right and what's wrong. And even if they know what they're doing might be wrong, they're still mistaken and think it'll be to their advantage. The point is, they don't do wrong on purpose. They just don't understand any better."
"The person who does wrong, does wrong to themselves. The unjust person is unjust to themselves—making themselves evil." – Marcus Aurelius
"We can only be insulted if we let it happen. If we don't care what others say, then we won't feel insulted. After all, other people's actions are not under our control, so they're ultimately indifferent."
Exercise: The Stoic Self-Monitoring Record
To get closer to the ideal of the Sage, it's necessary to reflect on our progress continually. We fall into automatic behaviors more often than we would like, so we should do anything we can to bring awareness to our actions.
The exercise I outline below is inspired by the Stoic Self-Monitoring Record, given to students participating in last year's Stoic Week. It's based on Epictetus' advice to keep a tally of days that you didn't give in to anger.
The key here is to pause at moments you feel you become angry or upset in another way. You take a step back and write down your upsetting thoughts and feelings. Not only that, but you also write down your observations of this situation. This will create what therapists call a 'psychological distance,' and by describing the situation in objective terms, you can become detached from it.
Here are the steps to take when you start to get overwhelmed by negative emotions. Make sure to do this in writing to give yourself some space and time to think:
Note the date and time when you started to feel angry or afraid. Briefly describe the situation in objective terms (without emotional labels).
What emotions did you experience? Note all feelings that might be considered irrational or misguided and negative.
What related thoughts did you have? Were you telling yourself something that something external was good (desirable) or bad (upsetting)? Stoic psychology holds that our value-judgments cause our emotions.
Ask yourself: "Is this up to me? Is what my feelings are about directly under my control?" Often you'll see that only your response to the event is truly under your control.
How did you live up to your ethical principles in this situation? Did you act in a way that you think is virtuous? Were your actions wise, just, courageous, and moderate? Or were your actions foolish, unfair, spineless, and self-indulgent? Think about how your actions affected yourself and others, and how you can show more wisdom in the future.