[Practical Stoicism #17] Remember what you can control
Hi fellow Stoics!
In recent weeks I had the opportunity to coach one of my best friends in the use of Stoic exercises. Through sitting meditation, he had become aware of repetitive and irrational thoughts, and the effect they have on his emotional state. However, he lacked the necessary mental tools, so we sat down to see what could work for him.
There is an abundance of Stoic techniques that help, but my go-to exercise for newcomers is the dichotomy of control. As practicing Stoics, this is the foundation of our practice, but few non-philosophers think about what's truly under their control. Only by taking a moment to see if and how we can influence a situation do we focus on the right things.
The exercise I gave him is simple (you will find an explanation of it at the end of this newsletter). I told him to take a piece of paper and divide the page into two columns: 1) Things under his control, 2) Things NOT under his control. Every time he encounters a situation that triggers a reaction, he has to write what aspect of the event is under his control and what isn't.
Writing down things forces you to think them through more carefully. We often jump to conclusions, but our beliefs and biases influence how we think, feel, and react. By pausing and taking a moment to consider the situation and writing it down, you create some space between stimulus and reaction. This is where we find our freedom, as Viktor Frankl once said:
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Later this week, I will publish an article on the Stoic virtue of wisdom. In it, I will describe the dichotomy of control exercise in detail. In the meanwhile, have a look at the articles I link to in this newsletter.
The dichotomy of control is simple to understand. Still, some Stoics have morphed it into a trichotomy of control, suggesting there are three categories of power: things we can completely control, things we can partially control, and things we cannot control at all. Bill Irvine (author of A Guide to the Good Life) proposed this change, but it has confused many aspiring Stoics.
As I am firmly in the "dichotomy camp", I hope the articles below will clarify things so you can use this mental model in your daily practice.
Are you still confused after reading this newsletter? Hit reply and ask me to explain in more detail.
Ramses
Stoic wisdom around the web
Epictetus on Using "The Dichotomy of Control" to Become Emotionally Invincible by Jon Brooks
Jon Brook's article could be an entry from a Stoic textbook; it's excellent. Jon's work is valuable as it dives deep into Stoic philosophy, without making it academic. In this 10-minute read, you'll discover everything you need to know about the dichotomy of control. The diagrams are a great help to internalize this teaching, especially for those like me who "think in diagrams."
Dichotomy of Control by Chris Fisher
Chris, from TraditionalStoicism.com, argues that most of us are in a state of partial insanity. Why? Because we assume we have more control over situations than we do truly. Now, Traditional Stoics take the dichotomy of control even more seriously than "secular Stoics," as fate dictates everything that's outside our control. This article offers a kick in the butt for when we fool ourselves, and it provides a helpful infographic (based on Handbook 1) to remind us what is really within our power.
Everything you need to know about the dichotomy of control by Massimo Pigliucci
Massimo tends to be a bit technical in his explanations of Stoic philosophy, but this article is easy to read. He touches on the confusion about the trichotomy of control, but then goes on to explain why it really is a dichotomy of control. Being a data analyst myself, I can appreciate the analogy of vector analysis.
Exercise: Things under your control and not under your control
Stoicism is not a life hack. It is a philosophy that requires daily attention and practice. One crucial tool for Stoics is writing things down. When we write something down, we take more time to think about it and process it more deeply. No wonder Seneca and Marcus Aurelius took writing their thoughts so serious.
This exercise is from the excellent book by Massimo Pigliucci and Greg Lopez, named A Handbook for New Stoics. Showing the importance of the dichotomy of control, this is the first exercise in their book. Massimo and Greg teach us to review situations and categorize parts of them into what we can control completely and what we cannot control completely:
A variation on this exercise I found in this article by Dylan DiGerolamo. Apart from thinking about what is within and outside his control, he also reasons why this is the case. He uses the following table to apply the dichotomy of control:
Both formats will work equally well. Just take a notebook with you everywhere you go. When a situation triggers an emotion you find difficult to handle, whip out your notebook, and take a moment to reflect if there's anything rational you can do. If not, let the situation for what it is and move on to something that you can control.
The idea behind the dichotomy of control is simple, but our emotions won't subside right away. Daily practice is needed. Improvements accumulate over time, so stick to this practice.